Can't Sleep
by amatsu-hime
Summary: Oneshot set after Jinchuu - When Kaoru can't sleep, she sneaks out to the dojo to try and wear herself out. Worry about what had happened while she was with Enishi plagues her mind, and Kenshin follows to try and comfort her. KK KB


DISCLAIMER: I don't own Kenshin, but this story is mine.

This is a bit of dramatic fluff following the Jinchuu ark. Some of the basic story line might be slightly altered, but that is the benefit of "poetic license."

Can't Sleep

Kaoru laid in her room alone in the dark. She couldn't help but think about how much life had changed in a few short months. Just six months ago, she had been sharing her room with Yahiko, the orphan she had taken in as a student after Kenshin had rescued them both from the den of the yakuza. Every day, that rooster-head would appear to get at least one free meal, if not as many as three. Kenshin would wake up early and cook breakfast. She would walk into the kitchen every morning to find something hot and tasty. Megumi would make regular appearances just to tease her and try to steal Kenshin's non-apparent affections.

But now, all that was gone. Sanosuke had fled Tokyo and was hunted by the police for his actions to save his family that he had finally found. Megumi had gone off to try and find her family when a rumor started to spread of their existence. Yahiko moved into Sano's old house on Ruffian's Row. Kenshin, now there was something confusing. She knew that if she opened her door, he would be asleep in a sitting position in the hall with his sword leaning against his side, ever ready to jump and fight. Fight what, she wasn't certain.

Ever since Enishi had taken her, and Kenshin had come for her, things had been strained between her and Kenshin. Something had happened, and she wasn't certain what it was. Yahiko and Sanosuke had been overjoyed at seeing her; even Megumi had shed a few tears when the two came together again. Misao had visited from Kyoto just to check on her. The girl had left with a mysterious smile on her face with a mysterious farewell, "Kenshin is a little smarter now; it's up to you to make sure he doesn't become an idiot again."

Kaoru shook her head, there was no way she was going to be able to decipher the hyper ninja's words, it was pointless to try. Kaoru sat up; there was no way she was going to be able to sleep for a while. Looking around, she wondered what she could do to try and burn some energy to encourage sleeping. Leaning in the corner was her bokken, which she had set there after her earlier practice when she had come to change. It was tempting her with the promise of exhaustion and freedom if only for a short while. For a moment, she thought it would be rude of her to do something that would disturb Kenshin's peace in the hall, and then a thought ran through her mind that had her blood heating in frustration: _If he didn't want to be disturbed, he would talk to me about what happened and stop playing the silent hero._

Standing up, she retrieved her bokken from the other side of the room and headed to the shoji door which led into the front yard. Pausing with her hand resting on the sliding wall, Kaoru knew that if she opened it, he would know; if he didn't already that is. Strengthening her resolve with the pent up frustration of the last couple of months, she silently slid it open and stepped out onto the porch to head to the dojo.

As her foot hit the ground off the porch, her suspicions were confirmed when Kenshin nearly slammed her bedroom door open. Without glancing at the red-head, she kept walking and allowed him to do as he pleased once he realized she was safe. A good practice was what she needed in order to get any sleep this night. Above her, the waning crescent moon shone brightly in a clear night sky. The stars were bright pin pricks in the dark blanket that seemed to envelope the world in silence and solitude.

Since she hadn't heard him following, Kaoru assumed that Kenshin had gone back to bed once he knew that she was safe. Dismissing him from her thoughts, Kaoru entered the dojo with the intent of wearing herself out so that she could sleep. After a quick breathing exercise, she began the basics, working through each kata with the ease of many years of practice making her movements seamless and graceful. As she worked through those first movements her father had taught her, everything began to melt away. The stress about Kenshin, the loneliness now that so many of her friends had left, what had happened on that island, it all fell off her shoulders. Instead, memories of her father's hands helping her move through the basics ran through her mind. Him moving her body into each position to show her what she needed to strive for began to take over her thoughts.

A small smile graced her lips, and her eyes closed to savor those memories which had long since faded to the past. Unknowingly, her movements became animated while still holding the grace. She began to play with the kata, changing the movements of a child, as her father's laughter at those past antics echoed through time and straight into her heart. She wished more than anything that he could be here to help her ease the ache that had been growing within her.

Sure, she wasn't totally alone. Yahiko came to visit her every day . . . almost. And there was Genzai and the girls, Ayame and Suzume, who came over regularly. The girls had cried their eyes out on her when she had come back with Kenshin. They had thought she was gone forever, and it took many hours to comfort the young ones. She remembered Kenshin's eyes watching her as if she might disappear as she had worked to reassure the children. Still, he watched her like he wasn't certain if she was really there. However, he still wouldn't talk to her about what had happened. Her frustration made her movements hard and almost brittle.

Stopping midway through her movements, her bokken coming down from an upward swing, Kaoru straightened her body and allowed her arms to fall. "This isn't working," she whispered to herself. "I'm just not going to be able to sleep tonight."

"Miss Kaoru?" she heard questioned behind her. Turning sharply in surprise, she saw Kenshin standing in the doorway, mostly obscured by the night's shadows around him. Sighing in relief, Kaoru placed her bokken on the empty slot in the rack. It was better to leave it here anyway, that way she wouldn't be tempted by it again as she tried to go to sleep.

"You should be asleep, Kenshin," she said in a low tone, just above a whisper. She knew he would hear her, so there was no reason to be loud, even if there was no one else in the compound to wake up.

"As should you," something in his tone had her turning to look at him. Trying to peer through the dark, she wasn't able to make out any of his features across the dojo.

"I can't sleep, my mind won't stop," she said, almost cautiously to see what he would have to say back to that.

He didn't say anything, he didn't move a muscle, for a moment, she wondered if he had heard her. But then, his head tilted just slightly, and his bangs moved to the side. Two golden eyes stared at her from across the room. An almost inaudible gasp escaped her lips before she could censor it. "What keeps you awake this night, Kaoru?"

The way her name sounded on his lips without the honorific would have stunned her into silence if she hadn't already been unable to answer such a complicated question. Everything and nothing bugged her once the blanket of darkness was spread across the sky. After the stars were out and candles were extinguished, her mind wouldn't allow her to enter into the blissful state of sleep. She wanted to yell 'YOU' at him, but she knew that wouldn't be right. It was her friends; it was him; it was loneliness; it was the past; it was the future; it was Enishi; it was nothing; it was everything.

Something in her face must have told him what she was feeling, because he then released a small sigh of his own and strode across the floor to reach her at the bokken rack.

She was shocked when he wrapped both of his arms around her waist and pulled her to him in a tight embrace. He hadn't so much as held her hand since that day he had left for Kyoto to deal with Shishio, so having her arms wrapped around him in return was a strange, though comforting feeling. It was then she realized why he had done it. A tear leaked out of her eye and down her cheek, and soon it was followed by another, and another, and another. Before she knew it, she was sobbing into his shoulder. She cried for her father; she cried for her friends; but most of all, she cried for Kenshin.

When the crying finally began to cease, two things slowly registered in her exhausted mind. First, she was no longer standing, but sitting rather snuggly in Kenshin's lap. Second, he was whispering in her ear to try and stem the flow of tears. With the slowing of her tears, Kaoru realized that a huge burden had lifted off of her shoulders. It was as if she had gone through the fire and had to cleanse herself in order to move forward from there.

As the fog lifted, Kenshin's whispers began to sink into her brain. "I won't leave you . . . you're not alone . . . it's going to be okay . . ." At that last one, she couldn't stop herself from replying.

"It's not going to be okay. You've changed, I've changed, everyone's gone," she said brokenly into his crook of his neck, where she was unwilling to move from. "They left, and I know that eventually, you will too. Whatever happened with Enishi, I've watched you grow more and more distant from me. Even if your body is still here, your mind and heart have long since left."

He was shocked into silence for a fear moments. Kaoru began to try and disentangle herself from him. She had managed to work herself about half way out when his grip tightened around her waist and forced her back into his lap.

When Kenshin had followed her into the dojo, he hadn't expected any of this to happen. He hadn't expected to have his darker nature awaken as he watched her move through her style with grace and ease. When she began to play around, he realized that she must have been remembering a time long past, probably with her father. Then her movements had become harsh just before she stopped. Her frustration, anger, and sorrow seemed to poor off of her small body in waves. As that first tear slipped out of her eye, he knew she probably didn't even realize she had let it, but he couldn't help himself as he took her into his arms.

Her tears had always been a weak spot, something he couldn't stand to see. She hadn't cried yet since she had come back; he had begun to wonder if she would. Her accusation shocked him though. It took a moment for him to realize that she was beginning to back away from him, physically, mentally, and emotionally. He couldn't let it happen; not after all that had already happened. He couldn't lose her again.

He knew where her accusation had come from, but she didn't realize that he hadn't been backing away. He was tentative, certainly, but he wanted nothing more than to be close to her. "Kaoru," her name rolled off of his lips somewhat harshly as she continued to try and rise from his lap. Her movements stopped at his tone. "I admit that I have not been attentive since coming back here. Things have been difficult, but know this: no matter what happens, I won't leave you again. I don't think that my heart could let me after all that has happened."

"That's the _problem!"_ she nearly yelled. "I don't know what _happened._ Everyone has tip toed around the subject, and I can't figure it out. Why didn't you come for me quicker? What kept you guys here? How was it that Sanosuke found his parents? Did he find them while looking for me? Why did Yahiko act like he was so surprised to see you when we got back?" The questions she had been wondering just poured out of her. She couldn't take the silence, the knowing looks behind her back, anymore. She needed to know.

Kenshin took a deep breath and held her tighter, as if to assure himself that she was really there. "Kaoru" he said slowly. "I don't know if I can answer all of your questions. I don't know if I have it in me to relive what happened."

"Then maybe I'll tell you what happened with me," Kaoru said frustrated. "You know what Enishi did to me on that island. He didn't physically hurt me at all. As a matter of fact, he was a gentleman the whole time I was there. But he taunted me. He told me that you didn't care, that you wouldn't come. And you know what; I defended you and defended you. But it seemed like he was right. You didn't come, and you didn't come, and the days began to pass, and I wondered. I began to break when you finally did come. Why didn't you come sooner?" The last question was whispered as she leaned her head against his shoulder. She couldn't stop it from coming out, but she hoped that he hadn't heard the last part.

Wrapping his arms more firmly around her, Kenshin forced himself to relive that horrible day if for no other reason than to comfort the woman in his arms. "The day Enishi took you; he left something in your place. One of his dolls, made especially to look like you, was here, in the dojo, covered in blood. We all thought you were dead, that he had taken what we all held so dear to us. I thought he had killed you, and that you were taken from me forever. I couldn't live with it, and I left. I don't know what the others did after I left until Sanosuke found me and told me that you were on that island with Enishi."

Kaoru listened in shock. No wonder they all had acted so strangely to her. They all had thought she was gone, and a miracle had brought her back to them; of course they wanted to protect her. Suddenly, Kenshin's new sleeping arrangements made so much more sense, as well as him following her to the dojo tonight. It all made so much more sense. Sanosuke leaving; Yahiko moving; Megumi searching for her family; it all made sense. "Kenshin," she breathed his name as her arms wrapped around him in a protective embrace. She could feel his pain and anguish at what had happened, at what he had thought was gone forever.

"Kaoru," he whispered, "I don't know what I would do if something happened to you now. I'm sorry I've been so distant, but I have been trying to work out what would be the best solution to this problem. I can't sleep at night; every noise I hear makes me think that you're in danger. I can't seem to rid myself of this worry that the woman I love could be gone in a moment. Kaoru," he was suddenly stopped by Kaoru's mouth meeting his in a slightly uncertain, but determined, kiss.

It was a simple kiss performed by a woman who wasn't experienced, but it was enough to make his blood begin to heat up. As they separated, he took a deep breath to bring himself back down to earth. "Kenshin," she said to him, "your problem is simple enough to solve."

Shocked eyes rose to meet hers. He was reminded by the look on her face why she was constantly compared to a raccoon. "And how is that?"

If possible, her mischievous grin widened, and he wondered if it was really safe for him to be in such close proximity to her right now.

"That's easy, you need to marry me."

The End . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

I hope you enjoyed my little drama. I haven't written in a while, so I'm not sure if this will be any good, but it was fun to write.

PLEASE REVIEW :D


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